Jesus Wouldn't Kill Me

Jesus Wouldn’t Kill Me

(please remember that as you read this)

     I have to say that I’m writing this with some trepidation.  Mom and I had another one of our stimulating conversations this afternoon.  As usual, she said, “Oh, Michele, you need to write something about this.”  But as soon as I said I would write an essay about how religious oppression here is becoming more and more like that of the oppression in Islamic countries, she changed her mind.

     She got worried.  Scared even. 

     “What if they investigate you?” she asked.

     My first instinct was to respond with a “they wouldn’t bother”, but then I thought better of it.  The truth is, they probably would.  So here’s me in a nutshell.  I’m a veteran of the USAF kicked out for being 3% over in my body fat, but I served three and a half years and they owed me leave anyway.  I look at porn on my computer.  I occasionally masturbate.  I cannot have any more children due to some lady issues that would not have been covered in Texas and that I won’t get in to here, but you can message me on facebook and I’ll happily give you all the bloody details.  I miscarried between my first and second (also last) child.  I was in my second trimester and it was very upsetting.  I’ve been happily married, most of the time, for the last seventeen years ... to a man.  I am an adjunct English professor at a four different colleges.  I write, but I rarely send my work out to publishers.  I’m too busy grading.  I’m a recovering Catholic, but I do not consider myself to be an Atheist, though I don’t believe in God.  I’ve read the King James version of the Bible and probably know more about the history of Christianity than most Christians.  Which is why I’m not one.  That’s about it.

     Back to Mom and I.  Back in March we had another one of these explosive conversations where we vehemently agree with one another and come to many intensely upsetting conclusions.  She was worried that if health insurers were going to stop taking care of women’s health issues they’d soon stop treating things like cancer and heart disease.  But I disagreed because people who have penises get cancer and heart disease, so she could rest assured that those problems would always be covered.  What I thought could possibly happen was that women would start being held accountable for miscarriages and end up serving jail time for not taking care of the fetus ... and that is exactly what is happening. 

     On April 27th, I read a story on Addicting Info titled “Tennessee Conservative Backed Bill Could Criminalize Natural Miscarriages” by Stephen D. Foster Jr.  Basically, it states that all natural miscarriages could be investigated by the state and if the woman is found negligent, she could end up in prison.  So if my miscarriage had been investigated and it was shown that I did not take enough iron or folic acid, I could add ex-con to my second paragraph or perhaps convict if it was deemed a felony miscarriage.  How do you like the sound of that charge?

     This wasn’t the first time in my life that I predicted the future.  Back in 1988, I bought peach-and-green high-tops.  The next thing I knew, pink-and-grey was out and peach-and-green was in.  I was psychic!  And though I enjoyed my ability to predict fashion trends, I do not like the things I’ve been predicting lately. 

     And that brings me to today’s conversation.  Mom stopped by to drop off my nephew and stayed for coffee.  We began, as we always do, just catching up on things.  I told her about the creative writing festival I attended the day before and she told me about the plants she needed to get in the ground.  Then she did it ... “Did you see Bill Mahr?”  I tell her, yet again, that I do not have HBO.  So she tells me all about the show then it’s, “Did you see the ‘Daily Show’ last night?”  And I tell her no again, but this time it’s because too much upsetting news disrupts my chi.  So she sums up this show for me as well. 

     A quick sum up: a female senator from somewhere wants men to stop masturbating because some male senator wants women held accountable if they smoke or drink when they don’t know they’re pregnant (but only if it results in a miscarriage--how thoughtful of him), another female senator (from Ohio, I think) wants men to have a thorough physical before they take Viagra because a male senator from somewhere doesn’t want birth-control do be covered by insurance, yet another female senator wants male senators to have a prostate exam every time they force a woman to have an internal ultra-sound because some male senator wants that.  Oh my, such tit-for-tat!  Why can’t we just tell the boys their ideas are stupid and to just sit quietly and look pretty?  (Couldn’t be bothered to research these to be more specific and witty ... in the same way FOX News can’t be bothered to fact-check, many apologies.)

     Oh, that makes me sound like a man-hater.  I’m not.  I promise.  I have a husband, whom I love without condition.  And two sons, whom I’ve raised without religion or a belief in God or spankings, and yet they are still respectful and amazing human beings.  And not just to other boys.  They respect women as well.  I love men in general.  I respect the men who’ve earned it.  Most of my friends are dudes, ask any of them if you like.

     And now to my latest prediction.  Here’s where I see the war on women going, if conservatives have their way.  The rate of rapes will raise because women will stop having sex in order to not get pregnant and have another child they cannot afford.  This will also bring an increase in prostitution, which may end up being legalized so men can screw around without punishment.  Orphanages will have to reopen because some men may force themselves on their wives (which would no longer be considered rape) and a pregnancy may result, but the family cannot afford another child so off it goes to the nunnery--if it’s lucky.  A rise in domestic violence is also a given.  But the question then would be, do the authorities arrest the man who caused his wife to miscarry or do they just assume the woman asked for it and only arrest her?  Does any of this sound familiar?

     OR (just to prove I don’t have tunnel vision, I do see another way this could pan out) we could become the gun-toting, fetus-loving Christian nation that the Right would like us to become.  Then all other belief systems could be made illegal and those worshiping illegally could be put in ... I don’t know ... some kind of camp or something.  Or they could leave the country.  Women would cow-tow to their men and our daughters could be brought up with the understanding they were made to make babies, dinner and their husband happy.   We could live in a happy sterilized world were women do this only and men do that only and, oh, how happy we could be!  Of course, I’ll be in Canada by then. 

     I don’t see how what is going on now can not be seen as a war on women.  A fatwa, if you will.  It seems to me that conservative men either want us dead or subjugated in some way.  Yes, I wrote dead.  Those of us who think and disagree with them, those of us that they will never be able to brainwash or control, I’m sure they wish we didn’t exist. 

     I said “fatwa” as well.  And, yes, it’s an Islamic thing.  And that brings me to the ultimate point of this essay.  The religious oppression of women in this country is going the way of the extreme Islamic culture.  I believe that and it scares the crap-cicles out of me.  In some parts of this country there is no tolerance for anything different.  How can that be?  In a time where information and the ability to educate oneself is at ones fingertips, how can so many be so ignorant?  If religion were a private and truly sacred thing, this would not be an issue.  But it is.  It is.  Here in the United States of America religious oppression of women is an issue in the year 2012.  How is this possible? 

     Here’s the thread.  In some orthodox Jewish traditions, women are subjugated.  In most Islamic traditions, women are subjugated.  Now in many Christian traditions, women are allowing themselves to be subjugated.  Why?  “For the Bible tells them so.”  It’s the same book.  The Same Book.  The Jewish people own the first half.  The Christians take ownership of that as well, plus they added their own little bit at the end.  The Muslims take ownership of it as well, because Mohammed constantly uses stories from the Bible in the Koran (he received the word of God through the angel Gabriel).  And in the Old Testament, the Hebrew Bible, the Koran, women are subjugated.  If congress members are going to use the Bible as a basis for law-making then women will be subjugated.  There is no way around it. 

     This is ALL my opinion, with a tiny bit of research.  It’s what I see and my vision may be skewed.  I was brought up Catholic and I was never spanked, so that right there could be a character flaw.  I stopped believing in God when I was twelve, but I made my confirmation anyway then left the church shortly after and never looked back.  My spirituality now comes from meditating, caring for my family, gardening and reading a good book.  One by Terry Pratchett would do nicely or Stephen King. 

     People laugh at me when I say, “When I grow up, I want to be Canadian.”  I guess they think I’m joking.  I’m not.  As soon as my youngest graduates high school, I’m outta here.  Well, if I have the means.  If I don’t, I’ll just stop watching and reading anything news-like and live with blinders on and just be grateful that I have two boys.  If I had a daughter, I might just lose my mind.