Jesus Wouldn't Kill Me

Jesus Wouldn’t Kill Me

(please remember that as you read this)

     I have to say that I’m writing this with some trepidation.  Mom and I had another one of our stimulating conversations this afternoon.  As usual, she said, “Oh, Michele, you need to write something about this.”  But as soon as I said I would write an essay about how religious oppression here is becoming more and more like that of the oppression in Islamic countries, she changed her mind.

     She got worried.  Scared even. 

     “What if they investigate you?” she asked.

     My first instinct was to respond with a “they wouldn’t bother”, but then I thought better of it.  The truth is, they probably would.  So here’s me in a nutshell.  I’m a veteran of the USAF kicked out for being 3% over in my body fat, but I served three and a half years and they owed me leave anyway.  I look at porn on my computer.  I occasionally masturbate.  I cannot have any more children due to some lady issues that would not have been covered in Texas and that I won’t get in to here, but you can message me on facebook and I’ll happily give you all the bloody details.  I miscarried between my first and second (also last) child.  I was in my second trimester and it was very upsetting.  I’ve been happily married, most of the time, for the last seventeen years ... to a man.  I am an adjunct English professor at a four different colleges.  I write, but I rarely send my work out to publishers.  I’m too busy grading.  I’m a recovering Catholic, but I do not consider myself to be an Atheist, though I don’t believe in God.  I’ve read the King James version of the Bible and probably know more about the history of Christianity than most Christians.  Which is why I’m not one.  That’s about it.

     Back to Mom and I.  Back in March we had another one of these explosive conversations where we vehemently agree with one another and come to many intensely upsetting conclusions.  She was worried that if health insurers were going to stop taking care of women’s health issues they’d soon stop treating things like cancer and heart disease.  But I disagreed because people who have penises get cancer and heart disease, so she could rest assured that those problems would always be covered.  What I thought could possibly happen was that women would start being held accountable for miscarriages and end up serving jail time for not taking care of the fetus ... and that is exactly what is happening. 

     On April 27th, I read a story on Addicting Info titled “Tennessee Conservative Backed Bill Could Criminalize Natural Miscarriages” by Stephen D. Foster Jr.  Basically, it states that all natural miscarriages could be investigated by the state and if the woman is found negligent, she could end up in prison.  So if my miscarriage had been investigated and it was shown that I did not take enough iron or folic acid, I could add ex-con to my second paragraph or perhaps convict if it was deemed a felony miscarriage.  How do you like the sound of that charge?

     This wasn’t the first time in my life that I predicted the future.  Back in 1988, I bought peach-and-green high-tops.  The next thing I knew, pink-and-grey was out and peach-and-green was in.  I was psychic!  And though I enjoyed my ability to predict fashion trends, I do not like the things I’ve been predicting lately. 

     And that brings me to today’s conversation.  Mom stopped by to drop off my nephew and stayed for coffee.  We began, as we always do, just catching up on things.  I told her about the creative writing festival I attended the day before and she told me about the plants she needed to get in the ground.  Then she did it ... “Did you see Bill Mahr?”  I tell her, yet again, that I do not have HBO.  So she tells me all about the show then it’s, “Did you see the ‘Daily Show’ last night?”  And I tell her no again, but this time it’s because too much upsetting news disrupts my chi.  So she sums up this show for me as well. 

     A quick sum up: a female senator from somewhere wants men to stop masturbating because some male senator wants women held accountable if they smoke or drink when they don’t know they’re pregnant (but only if it results in a miscarriage--how thoughtful of him), another female senator (from Ohio, I think) wants men to have a thorough physical before they take Viagra because a male senator from somewhere doesn’t want birth-control do be covered by insurance, yet another female senator wants male senators to have a prostate exam every time they force a woman to have an internal ultra-sound because some male senator wants that.  Oh my, such tit-for-tat!  Why can’t we just tell the boys their ideas are stupid and to just sit quietly and look pretty?  (Couldn’t be bothered to research these to be more specific and witty ... in the same way FOX News can’t be bothered to fact-check, many apologies.)

     Oh, that makes me sound like a man-hater.  I’m not.  I promise.  I have a husband, whom I love without condition.  And two sons, whom I’ve raised without religion or a belief in God or spankings, and yet they are still respectful and amazing human beings.  And not just to other boys.  They respect women as well.  I love men in general.  I respect the men who’ve earned it.  Most of my friends are dudes, ask any of them if you like.

     And now to my latest prediction.  Here’s where I see the war on women going, if conservatives have their way.  The rate of rapes will raise because women will stop having sex in order to not get pregnant and have another child they cannot afford.  This will also bring an increase in prostitution, which may end up being legalized so men can screw around without punishment.  Orphanages will have to reopen because some men may force themselves on their wives (which would no longer be considered rape) and a pregnancy may result, but the family cannot afford another child so off it goes to the nunnery--if it’s lucky.  A rise in domestic violence is also a given.  But the question then would be, do the authorities arrest the man who caused his wife to miscarry or do they just assume the woman asked for it and only arrest her?  Does any of this sound familiar?

     OR (just to prove I don’t have tunnel vision, I do see another way this could pan out) we could become the gun-toting, fetus-loving Christian nation that the Right would like us to become.  Then all other belief systems could be made illegal and those worshiping illegally could be put in ... I don’t know ... some kind of camp or something.  Or they could leave the country.  Women would cow-tow to their men and our daughters could be brought up with the understanding they were made to make babies, dinner and their husband happy.   We could live in a happy sterilized world were women do this only and men do that only and, oh, how happy we could be!  Of course, I’ll be in Canada by then. 

     I don’t see how what is going on now can not be seen as a war on women.  A fatwa, if you will.  It seems to me that conservative men either want us dead or subjugated in some way.  Yes, I wrote dead.  Those of us who think and disagree with them, those of us that they will never be able to brainwash or control, I’m sure they wish we didn’t exist. 

     I said “fatwa” as well.  And, yes, it’s an Islamic thing.  And that brings me to the ultimate point of this essay.  The religious oppression of women in this country is going the way of the extreme Islamic culture.  I believe that and it scares the crap-cicles out of me.  In some parts of this country there is no tolerance for anything different.  How can that be?  In a time where information and the ability to educate oneself is at ones fingertips, how can so many be so ignorant?  If religion were a private and truly sacred thing, this would not be an issue.  But it is.  It is.  Here in the United States of America religious oppression of women is an issue in the year 2012.  How is this possible? 

     Here’s the thread.  In some orthodox Jewish traditions, women are subjugated.  In most Islamic traditions, women are subjugated.  Now in many Christian traditions, women are allowing themselves to be subjugated.  Why?  “For the Bible tells them so.”  It’s the same book.  The Same Book.  The Jewish people own the first half.  The Christians take ownership of that as well, plus they added their own little bit at the end.  The Muslims take ownership of it as well, because Mohammed constantly uses stories from the Bible in the Koran (he received the word of God through the angel Gabriel).  And in the Old Testament, the Hebrew Bible, the Koran, women are subjugated.  If congress members are going to use the Bible as a basis for law-making then women will be subjugated.  There is no way around it. 

     This is ALL my opinion, with a tiny bit of research.  It’s what I see and my vision may be skewed.  I was brought up Catholic and I was never spanked, so that right there could be a character flaw.  I stopped believing in God when I was twelve, but I made my confirmation anyway then left the church shortly after and never looked back.  My spirituality now comes from meditating, caring for my family, gardening and reading a good book.  One by Terry Pratchett would do nicely or Stephen King. 

     People laugh at me when I say, “When I grow up, I want to be Canadian.”  I guess they think I’m joking.  I’m not.  As soon as my youngest graduates high school, I’m outta here.  Well, if I have the means.  If I don’t, I’ll just stop watching and reading anything news-like and live with blinders on and just be grateful that I have two boys.  If I had a daughter, I might just lose my mind.

     

Finding Common Ground: 5 Rules that are Invaluable to Me as an Instructor

     Whenever I’m asked what I do for a living my pat answer is always, “I’m part English professor and part stand-up comedian.”  I say it for two reasons: the first is because it always gets a laugh; the second is because it’s the truth.  My students are paying to sit in my class the least I can do is try to entertain them.  Granted, I can’t always be funny, but I do what I can with the lessons I have to teach.  I work at a local community college, a local private college and an online school.  These tips are for face-to-face classes only.  It’s hard to be funny online without coming off as sarcastic, so I keep my tone professional and use emoticons where appropriate.  

For those instructors who teach face-to-face classes, here are some rules that you may find useful:

Rule 1: Align with the student – instructors must understand the world their students are coming from or at least try to.  What is an iPad?  What do they mean by Wii?  What the hell is a Snooki?  

I don’t watch a lot of TV and what I do watch is usually not what my students are interested in.  So, I check out news stories on Yahoo! to keep myself current.  I don’t necessarily find them interesting.  Truthfully, I often find Yahoo! News to be a bit silly, but it’s what my students are familiar with.   Doing this allows me to never be at a loss for something to talk about in class. 

This tactic also makes me better able to focus their writing.  It shows them what is going on around them is relevant and can be the subject of a paper.  Students have an odd idea that nothing in the real world applies to the classroom.  This is why instructors will often hear the “I don’t have anything to write about” excuse.  I don’t hear that in my classes.  Well, I hardly hear that in my classes.  There is always that one stubborn student.  A post-class tutorial will usually pull something from said student that he/she can write about.

Rule 2: Be approachable, but stern – As their instructor, you can’t always be their friend; it’s actually more important that you’re not.  But this also brings me back to aligning with the student.  Instructors become more approachable when students feel instructors are living in the same world (and decade) as they are.  Once an instructor shows an interest in their students’ interests, the instructor stands a better chance of the students being interested in what is being taught.

Re-read that last sentence …  If you have no interest in the things that catch your students’ attention, you can expect that you will never have their full attention.  If they even get the smallest vibe from you that you see their interests as trivial, you will lose them by attrition, or they’ll be texting in class, or napping, or doodling (ever the classic).  One thing they won’t be doing is paying attention to the curmudgeon in front of them.

What is going on in the world today is no less important than what was going on in the world in your day.  And if you’re a young instructor, just because you think it’s silly and meaningless, doesn’t mean it actually is.  

For instance, I hate country music.  I don’t understand why anyone would waste good listening time on it.  However, I do understand that music can be very important to people and I can respect those who are passionate for a certain genre, even if it is country.  I don’t like it.  I don’t understand it.  But I would never dismiss another’s interest in it as being trivial, just as I wouldn’t want them to dismiss my musical taste in that way.  And I would never dismiss anything a student sees as important as being trivial.  Besides, the more familiar they are with their topic, the better written the essay will be.

Rule 3: Get hip to the lingo – you must speak their language, meaning you need to know what text-speak is and how other words have changed meaning (read -- how students are misunderstanding certain words and using them incorrectly).  This will also help you understand why the first writing assignment will come back with something like this in it -- “When i first met my bff she totally understanded me and I was like omg!  I could of died! lol  Sense then we been so close.”  (Those last two sentences—minus the lol—are correct according to MS Word.)

You may notice that students are writing how they speak.  It seems to me, they’ve been allowed to do it for a long time, making me question what they are learning in high school English.  Many use “sense” for “since” and “of” for “have”.  They leave out “meaningless” words like “that”, “to”, “for”, and so on, because these are words not used when texting.  They can’t distinguish between “there, their and they’re” or “than and then”.   They don’t understand what I mean when I say their writing has no flow.  They could care less that missing words, and words used incorrectly, jar and confuse the reader.   “As long as you get what I’m saying, what difference does it make?’’ asks the reluctant writer.

Most of my students are not readers (though I treasure the few who are).  When faced with having to read for an assignment, most will skim or look for summaries online (worst case, they will plagiarize those summaries).  And this is why they don’t know what flow is, and why they don’t understand why all words—even the little ones—are important.  And it is also why I feel reading is an important part of a writing class.  If nothing else, students get to see an example of the assignment you want them to write.  It’s always good to give your students a model to follow.

Rule 4: Everyone brings something to class – the days of pedagogy are dead, even for K-12.  Today’s kindergarteners know more about technology than their teachers.  Everyone comes to class with some kind of background knowledge.  There is no such thing as a blank slate … I would argue that there never was.  And it is really important for college professors to understand this.  I repeat, really important!  

Students are coming to class so grossly underprepared for the challenges my syllabus holds that they begin to feel like they are a blank slate.  You cannot, as a caring instructor, allow this to happen.  A LOT of handholding needs to be done in the first semesters of college in these days of post “No Child Left Behind” syndrome. 

NCLB has created a mass “learn and dump” mentality in today’s students.  They learn it (whatever it may be), take the test, and forget it.  This doesn’t only apply to classroom learning.  I asked my Freshman Composition students to tell me who has the right of way at a 4-way stop sign when two cars get there at the same time, and only my adult students got the answer correct.  The eighteen-year-olds, who just took the test, had no idea.  You see; they no longer need to know it because they’ll never have to take the test again.  

Even though most have dumped just about everything they’ve ever learned academically, they are still not blank slates.  They all have life experience they can draw from, even if it’s just the realization that they have little knowledge retained from school.  Most students are passionate about something, whether it’s playing X-box, finding the perfect pair of shoes, having the latest technology, loving a sports team, or a particular sport.  My job as a teacher of writing is to pull their passion out of them and help them get it on the page.  Preferably, in a grammatically correct way.

Rule 5: Be funny – and if you can’t be funny at least be interesting.  As a student, I can tell you there is nothing worse than a boring instructor … except maybe a boring instructor teaching a boring subject.  You must be aware that your subject may not seem as interesting to everyone else as it does to you.  You need to be able to put it in the context of their world.  How does Gilgamesh feature in the world of college students today?  Does it?  Is it relevant?  How?

If you can’t answer those questions, you probably shouldn’t teach a Classical Literature class.  Generally, if you are passionate about something, you’ll teach it well.  Sort of.  You also need to be enthusiastic about it.  You need to be the cheerleader for whatever it is you are teaching.  You need to explain it in a context that students can relate to, or better, a context that students can get excited about.  In the case of Gilgamesh, you can show your students the beginning of the bromance and how homosexuality did not have the stigma it does today.  

With all that’s been going on lately in the young homosexual community, Gilgamesh is very relevant.  It shows a time in history where homosexuality was not only accepted, but almost expected from the warriors and aristocrats.  Gilgamesh may be the oldest story ever written down, but it is as timely now as it was then, if you are paying attention to what is currently going on.

     Now I know some of you reading this are thinking, “I’m not funny, so forget it.”  We can’t all be hilarious, but we can all be human.  If I make a mistake on the board, I don’t cover it up; I point it out and let them laugh at me.  It lets the student know that, though I want them to strive for it, perfection is not the be-all and end-all.  The attempts at it are.  Although I prefer it when they point out my mistakes; it means something I’m teaching is getting through.  

To sum up: align, be approachable, get hip, pull background knowledge, and be human.  Remember that you are not above them; you are with them.  You have to be with them or you’ll never be able to see when they need a helping hand.  Their success equals a job well done for you.  Of course, you will occasionally have students who are determined to fail and there is nothing you can do about them.  If they choose to not show up and not do the work, there’s no helping them.  But for those who show up and try, I believe there’s nothing they can’t learn.

He Said / She Said

He Said / She Said

I have lost touch, with you and many other things.

I am always here and just a phone call and 20 minutes away;)

I am ... sigh ... depressed.

I'm funny and that tends to lessen depression ... not a cure, but a break.

Yes, I know - poor me.

Yes, poor you; everyone is entitled to a pity party now and then (this I know).

I am just struggling with many things right now.

You don't need to struggle alone ...

I am tired of being tired.

I know, and I can't imagine how you struggle with that:(

I am sleepy but can't sleep.

This I know too ...

My classes are going well, but that means what exactly?

Your classroom success means, with all your struggling and sleeplessness, you are functioning (it's not a lot, but many wouldn't be able to function and you should take a little pride in that, you are a strong person ... more resilient than you believe yourself to be).

I can't write anymore (I can, but I don't).

Let's write something together ... I can push you off that ledge;)

This will all pass, I know, for better or worse.

It will and I am here whether you want me or not.

I used to be a certain way.

I know you used to, but I only know who you are now and I like that person very much.

I used to have energy.

This I understand ... can't remember the last time I woke ready to tackle the day.

I guess too much time spent with vampires takes a toll.

Vampires suck (I had to ... sorry).

I I I blah blah

U U U ... if you don't think about yourself and your own well being, who will?

Thanks for letting me vent.

You're welcome

How have you been? I am sorry I have neglected you. I know you enough to know that you understand.

I'm okay ... oddly, I've been writing again, so that's nice.  I don't feel neglected, though I do wish you'd let me be there for you a bit more.  What's better than a mushy hug and a cup of Starbucks when you feel crappy?

The snow day threw me off a bit. It threw my students way off. Funny how one day will do that.

Yeah, they're so easily unsettled it seems.  You'll get back on track.

It is 11:30 and I have to figure out what I am doing in the morning.

8am is tough.

I'm home until 2:30 today, if you need to talk.  My Saturday class starts at 9am and I struggle with that first hour, can't imagine an 8am class.  It's an icky thought and I shall not entertain it.  

W/B whenever you can!

I miss ya, sweetie ... let's get together soon, okay?

Head End

I'm not reading into anything anymore.  I'll just take the words as what they mean on the surface from now on.  So if there is anything deep you wanna tell me, you'll just have to spell it out.  I can easily allow myself to be sucked into the words on the page, especially when the writer is someone I feel deeply for.  But I'm beginning to work passed my feelings and soon I won't even have to remember not to read into the things you’re writing.  It just won't happen anymore.  It will be a lonely and less interesting world when that becomes my reality ... losing that connection, but I suppose it has to happen eventually.  Then you will officially become just one of my friends (a top friend, of course, as I've shared nearly everything with you and trust you no end), but only a friend and I will have no love in my life, save for my little ones, and that’s just not the same.  I feel it already and I hate to say this, but what could happen is I will not share so much anymore.  I'll pull back into myself.  The way I was over the summer, before we reconnected.  It's just me, I guess.  And I suppose this is something I have to take care of on my own.  I really shouldn't drag someone else along for the ride, even if they are willing to go.  It's not fair to them.  And for me ... well, I'd read all kinds of things into that kind of sacrifice.  So, I must be careful.  As I begin to see only the surface in what you write, you'll see my answers get more and more shallow.  I suppose that will be the switch from my heart to my head.  I have to say, I am not looking forward to it.

WHAT Are They Teaching?

In 1976, I started kindergarten in Middle Country School District.  It was a full day back then.  By 1979, when my sister started kindergarten, they had gone to a half-day.  In 2002, we came full circle and my son was the first kindergarten class in Rocky Point to have a full day, though it has completely changed since 1976.

            Things are a bit sketchy from back then.  My memory is good, but we are talking over thirty years ago.  And though I don’t remember every detail, I do remember bits and pieces… the important bits and pieces.  I distinctly remember NOT being taught to read.  We learned our letters, yes, and the sounds they made.  We learned how to spell our names, but we were not taught to read.  Other things were more important.  For instance, how to make/draw/create/write those letters that we would eventually need to make those words that we would eventually read.  And we learned to write them neatly.

            I spent my days, in Mrs. Schmitz’s kindergarten class, painting, drawing, building, learning to be social and occasionally churning butter.  In first grade, the concept of reading was introduced, though spelling and penmanship still had the floor.  They were of the utmost importance and, as a student, I understood that.  In second grade, reading earned equal stature with spelling and penmanship.  And by third grade, they each had their place and cursive writing became the norm by the middle of the school year.  Cursive, it seems, has now become optional and some teachers are opting not to teach it at all. 

In Rocky Point, cursive writing is supposed to be taught in third grade.  Not all third grade teachers teach it and not all forth grade teachers expect students to know it.  However, if you have a third grader who is not taught cursive, who then gets a teacher in fourth grade who expects them to know it, that student is now behind the rest of the class.  I suppose it is up to me to ask the obvious… why is there no standard for penmanship? 

My oldest learned to read before his kindergarten winter break. Though he continues to struggle with spelling and he’s in seventh grade.  I know I am not the only parent dismayed by this.  My child’s handwriting is atrocious, his spelling is “inventive” and his grammar is undetectable.  He receives 100% on most of his spelling tests, or should I say 15/15… a grading scale I hate.  (A grading scale that, I believe, was invented because teachers don’t want to/can’t/are too lazy to do the math.)  But when he sits down to write in the paragraph, it all goes out the window and he has yet to have a teacher who cares about this.  They would always say they do.  Oh, I brought it up at every parent/teacher conference, but there was no follow through and his spelling still stinks. Not a huge deal now that he’s in middle school and can type everything, but when you spell “want” as “wont” the spell checker won’t catch it because “wont” is a word.  “So, what will happen when he goes to college?” you ask.  I will tell you.

            As an English professor at Suffolk County Community College, Dowling College, and the University of Phoenix, I see, all too often, the result of this kind of learning.  Learning where the emphasis is on literacy and not on English as a language results in apathetic readers and students who cannot put an original thought together on paper.  It seems the only reason they have learned to read and write is for the many (too many in this author’s opinion) tests they must take. 

            There is no purpose, or function, or pleasure to learning anymore.  It is all about doing well on standardized tests and making the school/teacher/administration look good.  Well, I see the true result of this kind of learning.  Suffolk has always offered remedial classes.  My sister had to take some, but that was because she never went to class in high school.  (The cafeteria sucked her in.)  That’s what community colleges were for; to give the less learned a leg up.  Those students that were tracked into general instead of honors, or whatever tracking system your high school had, were expected to go to community college and catch up with the rest of their classmates.

            Now remedial classes at Suffolk are packed and more sections have to be added every fall for the influx of students who do poorly on the placement test.  Dowling now requires a placement test and, though remedial classes are not the norm, they do require students who do poorly to go to the tutoring center for a certain amount of hours per week. 

Parents should be outraged that their school districts are not doing what they are supposed to.  And, because of that, the parent or student is left to foot the bill for yet another senior year; an entire semester of math, English and reading classes for which the student receives no credit.  

            I have just about everything I’ve ever written; from my 4^th grade report on Samuel Adams (American hero turned brand of beer), to the novel I recently finished.  I look through these things and see a child/adult who can communicate clearly and authentically.  I was no special child.  I had the same spelling problem as my son, perfect scores on the tests, but terrible in the paragraph.  The difference?  I was made to rewrite until I got it right.  Remember typing on a typewriter?  Remember making one mistake, not being able to line it up and having to retype the entire page?  Not to mention if you wanted to add a line or a quote.  Did this make me a better writer?  Probably not.  Did it make me more conscientious?  Yes. 

            I was forced to write out a rough draft to make sure when I typed it, that it was what I wanted to say.  Do I still use a typewriter?  No.  But I have that need, as a writer, to communicate clearly and authentically.  How do we help our children/students to want to do that?  It is no secret that one misspelled word or grammatical error can send your resume into the round file.  Employers want, and these days can demand, employees who pay close attention to detail.  If you cannot do that in your own resume, the very thing that represents you in the job market, then it can be assumed you will not do it on the job.

            Writing is communication.  If it is not clear, misunderstanding will pervade.  Today, students write blogs instead of keeping diaries.  They send text messages and emails instead of writing letters.  Contrary to what many think, writing is still an important form of communication.  They have a desire to communicate their own ideas through words.  This is not encouraged in today’s high school classroom.  Students are stifled and not allowed to be creative because creativity is not graded on the SAT.

            This problem is bigger than the teachers.  They teach what and how they are supposed to.  It’s even bigger than the district.  It is a state, even national, problem.  English has been turned into English Language Arts or Literacy by some geniuses in Albany, and is no longer taught like a language but instead is taught as a requirement for testing.  This is why my non-native, English-speaking students have a better grasp of grammar than my native speakers.  My ESL students learn English NOT English Language Arts.  English is not an art form (not in the hands of the unskilled, anyway); it is a language, with rules and exceptions that are no longer being taught in general education. 

Why?  My best guess is that general education teachers find grammar uncomfortable territory and secondary English teachers, teach for the SATs.  Lest we forget there is no English textbook for grades K-5.  Teachers go to school to learn how to teach.  They are education majors in college.  This, I believe, is fine for grammar school (the newest oxymoron).  For secondary education, where a teacher is supposed to specialize in a subject, I do not think they get enough of that subject.  Middle school and high school English teachers should have Master degrees in English NOT Education with an English minor.  In some colleges, you only need twelve credits to declare something a minor!  That’s only FOUR classes!

I cannot teach in New York State public schools, K-12.  I am not certified, nor do I wish to become so.  I live a happy life as an adjunct professor.  I am, however, an expert in my field.  I have an A.A. from Suffolk in Liberal Arts, a B.A. from Dowling in Psychology and an M.F.A. from the now defunct L.I.U. Southampton in English and Writing.  I know grammar and I know English, but I cannot teach on the high school level because New York State says that I am not qualified.

I am, however, qualified to pull a high school graduate, who was taught by many people approved by NYS, out of the writing muck and into the land of clear and precise communication.  I love what I do and I love my students.  Their success is why I do what I do.  I don’t know why other people teach, but I do know the methods used in many states today are not working.  But I’m here to help all those students who are willing to work at it and so are many of my colleagues. 

If only our education system would get on the ball and fix the problem.  Re-implement some of the old methods and integrate them with the new ones that work.  Allow teachers to teach to their classes rather than for the test.  I’d so much rather teach Creative Writing than Developmental English, but remedial is where the students are, so remedial is where you will find me… hopefully not for too much longer.

Mothballs From Heaven

Her hugs smelled like mothballs and Big Red. She was the perfect grandma; strong arms perfect for carrying me when I was tired, strong legs perfect for walking me to the park, yet she was squishy around the middle which made her perfect for cuddling.

One summer I spent two weeks at her house. It also smelled like mothballs. I spent a lot of time looking for them. In the closet, there was no sign of them though the smell was there. In her drawers, under the bed, there was nothing there either, but the smell was everywhere.

I knew what the smell was because I saw her buy them at Cheap John’s when she’d come visit me, and my mother and sister. The boxes of mothballs would be stacked on a table and one would always be open so there would be little white balls all over the table and the floor. She’d go to Cheap John’s and buy two boxes of mothballs, two boxes of garbage bags and two ten packs of Big Red every Saturday when she came to visit us.

It wasn’t a bad smell. It was just a strange smell and for me it was comforting. My aunt wore Elizabeth Arden, my mother wore L’Air Du Temps, my grandmother wore mothballs and Big Red and she wore them well. I only looked for the mothballs that one summer. After all my fruitless efforts I decided I liked the mystery as much as I liked the smell.

My grandmother passed away on the Mother’s Day after my wedding. She had grown old and frail and was no longer squishy in the middle, but her hugs still smelled like mothballs and Big Red. I helped my aunt go through her things and in the bottom of her closet, way in the back I found a small white envelope. In it were three tiny white balls. Mothballs. Disintegrated mothballs, but mothballs just the same.

In her drawers I found the same white envelopes and the same white balls of varying sizes. I laughed out loud at each one I found. The mystery had been solved. One last lesson from grandma.

A few years later I had a child. His dark hair and hazel green eyes echoed my grandmother’s. He had strong little arms and strong little legs and he was squishy around the middle.
One night in the hospital, as he lay in bed with me, I smelled something familiar. My little one was surrounded by the smell of mothballs and Big Red. One last gift from grandma.

Write as Rain

The torrential rain. The slight, low-lying fog. The lack of streetlights. No cars on the road. Nothing to guide me but white lines and headlights. I don’t have to go that slow, but I do need to drive with caution as I can only see about fifteen feet in front of me and the road I’m on curves. I attempt to brighten the road ahead, but the low-lying fog, invisible in my headlights’ normal brightness, reflects the added light back making it so I can see even less of the road ahead. Lightning crashes and gives me a glimpse of the road beyond, but only for a fleeting moment then the darkness returns and I’m back to my fifteen feet. Much as in writing. I can see a little ways ahead. Next paragraph, next page, or even the next chapter, but it’s mostly dark and it’s not all that far. Once in a while lightning will strike and I will get a glimpse of where I’m going and I either get excited or nervous. Doesn’t matter which one, both make me write more. The darkness comes back and I’m forced to slow down, but the rain smells good and I like the sound, so I’m happy to wait for the lightning.